When I called home, my dad told me that Jolene was in the emergency room with some kind of problem in her intestinal area. Initially they figured that it was kidney stone, then they checked for appendicitis and finally found that it was some kind of viral intestinal problem. All she can do anymore is vomit, she can't eat at all and she has to be at home now for a few weeks while she recovers. I really hope that this is in no way linked to her problem with auto-immune disorders (her diabetes, thyroid problem and sometimes odd skin pigmentation)

I also have a dilemma because I had that fight with her back in early march and have not talked with her a lot since. I'm not tried to avoid her, but she is not taking any extraordinary steps to reach me. Since then I also feel like our relationship has shifted from friends to acquaintances. There’s nothing I can do about all of that really, the ball is in her court and it is her turn to come to me. Its just that times like these make me nervous that she is going to die and we won't ever be able to have a close relationship again.

I would tell her how I feel, but I feel like if I did that, and if I told her what I wanted her to do, that her reaction would not be heartfelt. I now really understand what women mean when they say things like "you should know how I feel" It's not just playing around, its a real feeling and a desire to get a real, heartfelt reaction. It is just a very hard place to be right now. I don't feel like I can say anything. I do care about her a lot, and I am very concerned, but I never feel like she cares about me. Even when I just got home from the hospital, mom and dad told me that Jolene might feel guilty, I told her that she shouldn't feel that way, and almost instantly she said that she didn't. I am sort of glad that she doesn't feel guilty, but I didn't feel any kind of sorrow for what almost happened to me. I just feel like she doesn't care about me at all, and I'd tell her that, but then I would feel like she is just pretending to care, and that’s not what I want either.